Yet another Spring!

I will remember this Spring as all others before it. Maybe not the specifics, but the feelings I feel this time of the year. Honest, deep, personal, hurting feelings. Good Feelings. Glad to be here Feelings. For that is what I am. Grateful. For many things...too many to list here. Some I am thankful time after time, some only once. I used to look toward Spring as a time of renewal. Now I look to Spring as a time to celebrate being alive! To look at Life with a positive mindset. To go on toward whatever and whenever I am to do, see...feel. What was I put on this Earth to acheive? Was it to parent loving, successful children? Was it to entertain others? Was it to teach? Was it to draw, sing, write? I must be honest and say that I still have not discovered that. I am still looking every day. With the happenings of the past year, I realize that there truly IS something else for me to do. I just have not discovered it yet. Please dear God out there, help me to realize and recognize it when it happens...I do not want to miss it. I know I am on the right path. I am no longer on the path to self-destruct....that is the best thing I can write about right now. No longer wallowing in self-pity. No longer thinking I do not fit. No longer feeling that I am not worthy. I AM and I know it. Now I am working on getting even more fit so that I will be able to handle the "whatever" when I see it. I know that I will forever be thankful that I am losing the weight that was weighing me down, almost drowning me in low self-esteem. When did I get beat down so low that I almost gave up on Life itself? It was a gradual sinking. I slowly let things in Life that happened assume a meaning they did not deserve. That will never happen again, for I will NOT let them get to me. Life is to be managed and survived. Let me know when to follow. Let me know when to jump in and lead. Let me know the difference! Let it never be about the money. I am working on getting my Heart condition fixed. Things have been going very well the past few weeks. I think the Doctor may finally have found the right medicine for me, pricey as it is. I am starting to feel more like a human instead of a blob. That took a very long time and several medicines to do. I should have asked for help much sooner. I did in fact do that, but did not speak loud enough to be heard. Whatever happens to you, don't close it all inside. Run, Yell, Sream, and YELL some more until you are heard. Change Doctors if you need to. Don't let them tell you there is nothing wrong when you sense there is. Trust your own instincts...they will never fail you. It has been raining a lot recently. There have been several Tornados already this Spring. There was a bad Tornado last November too. This recent one was in Iowa City. It took out much of the downtown area. The reporters are still letting us know what happened. They had to wait until they were allowed to get their film crews in to send back to us what had happened. I know the beautiful St. Patricks Church was nearly totally demolished. There were some minor injuries, but no fatalities. There were 30 people inside the Church when the Tornado hit...they managed to get to the Recreation part of the Church as the steeple and windows and walls came down. It was a Maundy Thursday none of us will soon forget. People are starting to pay more attention when the storms are forcast. I guess one has to come close before it truly sinks in. I am glad our girls no longer live in Iowa City. There have been some close calls already in Council Bluffs and Omaha as well. We worry and warn and then wait. Our children all made it safely through, thank the Good Lord! More storms are forcast to come. One this afternoon, then rain the rest of the week until Friday. Friday and Saturday are to be sunny and beautiful for our trip up near Decorah. I cannot wait to go, it should be a wonderful weekend. It is a long drive, but well worth it. I remember Lacey's wedding weekend. It rained most of that one too, except for the day of the Wedding. The Sun popped out just long enough to make her day Beautiful. We are getting a lot of hands on time with Hunter. I love being able to take care of him so his folks can get some respite. I would have given anything to have had such a haven when my girls were small. We can count on the fingers of one hand how many times we left them anywhere. I should have looked harder for some connections in that respect. I just never really tried. I think I feel a nap coming on now. We had an Easter Lunch out, and the sleepy time has hit me like it always does after eating a large meal. We went to a Buffet, and it was very good. I overdid, but will compensate this week. That is what Life is, Compomise and Adjustments. Hope you all had a wonderful weekend, that you were safe and warm and had enough to eat. See you next time, Hug yourself again, because you need it~! Katie