POSTSCRIPT TO AN EARLIER WRITING: I think of my Mom often as we are in the middle of winter. Of course, that said, I think of Mom often no matter what Season we are in. You see, I lost my Mom last May. She died. She got sick again in March. The day after my Dad sold their home on the Lake. Two days after his 79th Birthday. Four months after they moved into town to be closer to the doctor and hospital. I will not go into details of her illness at this time only to say that I was able to be with her and my Dad a lot during that time, and for that I am eternally grateful. I wrote of her illness a bit earlier on, before I truly knew what was coming. I have to admit that previous writing tells that I did know...and expected the worst to happen. It was my only way of coping at the time...preparing myself for the worst while hoping for the best. I don't want this writing to be a sad session. I want this to be a healing session, for me and for anyone reading this that might be going through some sort of trauma or rough spot in their own life. I celebrate my Mom's Life. I have to admit until now I did not realize how remembering a lost loved one as they were is a blessing and comfort in a time of extreme pain and loss. She was a wonderful woman. She was very talented and intelligent. In her life time she made many friends. Students remembered her teaching enough to come to her funeral 30 years after she taught them in her classes. She found fun in things that most think of as mundane or boring. This wicked sense of humor has passed to me and for that I am extremely proud and thankful. She would laugh her way through everything, even up till the end. One of the last things she said to me was an attempt at humor to put her family at ease...and to ease the looks she must have read on our faces. None of us should ever attempt to play Poker, she would have said had she been able to. Dad is so lost and alone now. He still says "we love you" when we end our telephone conversations. How long does one feel a part of a whole after losing a friend, mate, and confidant of over 60 years? Forever, I would assume...and that is so very understandable. Dad went from sleeping next to the love of his life nightly to taking her to the hospital. There, he ended up sitting by her side on and off for 2 months before she died. We all thought she was going to get better, the signs were all there...we were so hopeful...but it was not to be. I write here about how brave I think my Dad has been while going through all this, he is now fighting his own health concerns. He will turn 80 in March. I only hope this Spring will be a better one for us all. While last Spring, and then this Christmas were rough, it has made me truly appreciative of every little common every day thing in my lil ordinary life. Along with the ups and downs of this past year, there have been many happy times too. That is why I want to celebrate both my Mom and Dad and their Life together. How many can say that they married their child hood sweetheart and had puppy love for 66 years....my Dad can. I will write more about Mom at a later time, she is and always will be on my mind...I love her to this day and feel her around me. I miss her and will always do so. Hugs Mommie, I miss you. Katie

I have often wondered about where I would be creatively if I had been nourished in my infancy toward this creativity. After all, what child is afraid to try passionately? Where and or when did this child retreat into fear? I must have been repriminded or discouraged in some way. Was it a teacher? A practical parent or grandparent? I do not know, and now perhaps never will know. Besides, that is not what matters at this point in time. What truly matters is that I return to create. Passionately...for I feel I must try again, no I MUST try again. Even if I fail. Even if I never get anything published. I truly want to believe in the PROCESS of the creativity. I want to bloom, blossum, flower. I want to try to harness this passion I cannot seem to control. I want to sing, draw, write, produce works that give joy to the world. We certainly need to have more creative contributions to the world. Where would we be without Music, Song, Art, Written Words on Paper???? I think about that a lot. It seems so unpractical....yet I crave it with my very being. How do I get beyond feeling that it is frivolous? For I truly think it is Me Kate who needs convincing of this. I feel pressured to write for money...for otherwise why write? Tis the mindset of those around me...and truly mine as well. For deep inside me I feel as if I cannot do justice without money. I cannot afford to take the time to write and delve into my own passion. These are thoughts and restraints I put upon myself. That MUST change.....so be it. Katie

January 11, 2005 Music. Art work. Voice. I sit here wondering what in the world we would do without all of these things. How often we take them for granted, as we do Family and Relationships. Time goes by so quickly as a person gets older and that isn't something to be upset about, it just is. Now I know there are many other things in this world of importance. Don't get me wrong...I just think about the relief that Music, Art work, and using one's voice can give. I am finding out in my wanderings that it matters not what type of music, art or voice. The fact of it being there available to us is what is important. That and the fact that we have Choice. Some do not have that Luxury. Who would have thought that Choice would become a Luxury? I never did. As I grow older, which right now is a Luxury in itself, I realize how lucky I am just to be able to do so. Now on days when I feel Blue, I will have that thought to return to. Also knowing that I have a choice to move onward and away from that Blue feeling will be there for my mind to delve into as well. We all have the right to feel blue, sometimes I even think it is good to feel Blue, because in that...we learn that we still DO feel. Do you ever have days that you wonder about Life in general? I'm sure you do as do I. What is the plan, where do I fit, when will I know? What will I contribute? Am I worthy? Can I make positive change? Recent events make us realize that all too quickly everything can change. Topsy Turvy has never been so true as it now is. All I think we as Humans can do is to keep on doing. Whatever, Whenever, and Wherever we can to make the Human condition better for all. Appreciate what you have, share it....give it away. That, my Friends is your Choice...isn't it grand? :) Hugs to all, and YOU know who you are! Katie