I am faced with a challenge this Spring. It is like no other I have faced before. My mother is very ill, perhaps dying. At a time when Life begins anew, hers is slowly ebbing away. This is a time in Life that all people go through and yet it hurts so much. I watch the flowers pop through the earth with renewed vigor. Spring has never seemed so important or so bittersweet. I did not know I could feel pain like this. Numbing, vacant, feeling yet unfeeling. Hurts from the past clouding the present, making me think of me and how I feel instead of worrying about Momie. Becoming a child again and at the same time trying to parent my parents. I am not alone in this, thank goodness....how could I face it if I were? I have a wonderful Family who are supportive and caring. The true Culprit I see is the Alzheimers that is creeping in, stealing my real Momie away early. We saw signs, but denied them. Finally the testing confirmed what we knew. The disease was sneaking, silently vicious, changing. Not only changing Momie, but Daddy too, and now affecting the Children and Grandchildren. Yes, I have been lucky and fortunate in my Life. I had my Grandparents a long time, for that I am blessed. Still missing them, I remember days of old....both with Appreciation and Regret. It is so true what they say about Hindsight.... would that we could have it first.... There are so many things to decide. So many things will change now. Each illness taking a new toll. Pneumonia a couple of years ago, results from years of smoking, now an Ulcer. We did not lose this round, but it is a temporary victory. A battle won in a War that cannot be. Now I sit here trying to decide what to do next. How will I get through whatever is to come? Most have religion to stand them steadfast, but that too has been shaken by these two parents who guided and cared for me. They changed their religious beliefs 3 years ago. This without telling anyone in the Family, but it is not a Cult. They changed to one so different from what I was raised to believe that I find it difficult to forgive them for that. I will do so in time, but for right now I cannot. I love my Parents, do not get me wrong... This might be easier to take if I didn't care so much. Being a bit less caring right now would be the easy way to get through this. Telling them this is their bed, lie in it.... Choosing battles can be tough, especially when the War cannot be won. Letting things go is sometimes best. My Survival now is my worry. I must summon strength I have never had to find before to get through the next time of who knows what length. I have worked with all ages of people. This has given me love of all kinds. That is the truth and I am honored in that. I will find the positives in all of this! The future will remain bright because I have a Grandson just 6 months old to stay well for. For all who read this, I want to become some sort of role model....courage to get through....strength to find the way. Remember this dear people reading this: Things are just things. They cannot buy Happiness...so be careful how much time you spend trying to do so.....look closer.... Look to Family, bond with them, find comfort in being with them. Work around any problems, or forgive them....spend time with them.... Time goes too fast, Life is way too short. 77 years is not enough to love a MOM. Take the time today to tell your Family how much you love them, even when you are not agreeing with them. Do NOT let arguments keep you apart for very long. You may never get the chance to resolve them. I know in my Heart that my Momie loves me. She told me so the other day as I held her hand. She may not remember it, but I forever will. Hang in there...Life is precious....live it to the fullest.... tomorrow everything may change. Katie in Iowa